ADHD Story Time
Neurodiversity 1: Lava Lamp 0
Today I discovered that I am, in fact, the leading cause of household accidents in my home.
I was casually walking through the living room when my foot hooked itself around the cord to my wife’s lava lamp. Not because the cord was hidden. Not because the room was dark. Not because there was any reasonable excuse whatsoever.
Just because I was operating on my usual setting: “Human Golden Retriever.”
The lamp launched itself off the table and hit the floor with the kind of dramatic explosion normally reserved for action movies.
The lamp was gone. Vaporized. Reduced to a glittering field of poor decisions and marital disappointment.
Now, a responsible adult would immediately clean up the mess.
Instead, I spent the next 30 minutes conducting a detailed forensic investigation.
I examined glass fragments.
I studied the lava.
I wondered how lava lamps actually work.
I considered whether I could repair it.
I briefly convinced myself I was uniquely qualified to repair it.
I was not.
At one point I was literally crouched over the wreckage holding a random piece of glass and thinking, “Interesting...”
Meanwhile, the actual problem remained entirely unsolved.
Eventually I remembered I had recently bought a Roomba and decided this was the moment it had been training for.
I hit START and watched it bravely enter the disaster zone, the cat ready to pounce like a tiny robotic EMT responding to an emergency caused entirely by my own stupidity.
The Roomba zig-zagged around the room, aggressively inhaling evidence while repeatedly crashing into furniture. Honestly, it looked like it was doing a better job navigating life than I was.
Then came the final stage of ADHD problem-solving:
Online shopping.
Within minutes I had a brand-new lava lamp ordered from Amazon.
Problem solved.
Insurance claim denied.
Apparently my homeowner’s policy has a $1,000 deductible, which means they were shockingly uninterested in reimbursing me for my spectacular lava lamp-related negligence.
So now I’m out the cost of a lava lamp, my dignity, and whatever remaining confidence my wife had in my ability to safely walk across a room.
The good news is that replacing a lava lamp took about 90 seconds.
The bad news is that if replacing a wedding ring was that easy, I’d probably own three backups by now.
ADHD productivity recap:
✅ Broke lava lamp.
✅ Became temporary lava lamp expert.
✅ Tested Roomba.
✅ Ordered replacement.
❌ Maintained adult credibility.
My wife married a man.
What she got was a highly enthusiastic liability with Amazon Prime.
Accelerated, Dynamic, Hyper-Drive: A Short Manifesto for ADHD Entrepreneurs Who Refuse to Play Small.
This isn’t another productivity book written by someone whose greatest risk was color-coding spreadsheets. It’s for ADHD entrepreneurs, creators, and visionaries who are tired of shrinking themselves to fit systems built for smaller thinking.
Because your ADHD is not proof that you’re incapable.
It may be proof that you were built for something bigger.
Download your copy here:
Before your inner critic talks you into playing small for another year.